why did this happen to me?

I can’t believe it happened. Everytime it came close on the colony I always….there was no one to stop them here….it did. I was able to help the captain repair his friend today, and when I return to my quarters….I still can’t believe they did that. I’m afraid to leave my room now…they got inside when I was gone. When I got back…all of them….they…I don’t know how…they, and now I… The doctor repaired the bruising, and he fixed the cuts on my wrists and feet…and he got rid of the marks on my chest and other area’s they attacked….and he said the baby survived the attack…

One man, during the attack,  tried to take my son from my womb…they will launch his body out the air lock shortly. It was a reflex, even after that I still regret doing it.

The captain is moving my things now, and preparing a nursery in his quarters for me. I’ve begun to decrease my empathic sensitivity. I can’t afford to care about a people who would do this to me. I will do my job, but my womb must be protected…it is all I have left of that life that feels so distant.

I do not know if I can be successful closing my empathic abilities, but I plan to spend as much time as possible focused on it. My son deserves better, but I will not be able to protect him if I have to worry about emotional overwhelment. I had no idea before today I could inflict such pain upon anyone….no one will touch my child, non will hurt me or him ever.

My options have changed….

It’s been weeks since I started helping these people. They are at war…it is not pretty to look at from either side, but this Captain has strived hard to end it quickly. He’s pulled together a good team of people, some telepaths, most not, but all specialized. The information I’ve obtained for them has been able to help them significantly. The Captain approves of my efforts.

Today he made his intentions clear to me. It is his goal to enable me to communicate with the masses without the weakness it causes me to project as such. He has begun to develop a remedy for me that will allow that. He also made it clear that he would like me to share quarters with him. He said it would bode well for me and my child to have him at my side while I work. I have not shared my bed since the night my child was concieved. I am not sure this is what I am confortable with. I will consider the options, as he promised I would have the time I require to make the choice.

The captain also indicated that he needed my other unique skills to handle another problem. I will learn tomorrow what that will be, until then, I am considering attempting to contact Joseph again. Rae, my heart, has been silent every attempt I’ve made, not that he could help me now anyway. I must do this myself now. I can no longer be weak and allow others to protect me.

Now what do I do

I tried to reach out to Joseph tonight. The crystals are still working, but it takes a lot more for me…he wasn’t the same…I…tried to tell him. I couldn’t tell what he wanted or was doing. I think he was on a mission, but…he…..

I don’t know if I should tell him out right. The Captain said he will make sure the unborn is well cared for…and that I am cared for, as long as I keep helping him.

I had three interrogations today…in succession. They did not fatigue me, as I expected would happen, however…I was forced to do harm again to get the information. One is now in the medical bay below. He won’t recover in good health. I have another round tomorrow, I think the Captain is saving the specifically difficult one’s for me. I am …unsure how to do this. I do not like…abhore doing harm to others, but I am afraid for my unborn…oh how terrible.

I don’t know what to do now…my unborn and myself and now Joseph are all in some kind of danger. Do I tell beloved? I do miss him so, but for now…I fear what telling him will do to him, and the captain promised us both well. Maybe I will try….if he is in his right mind he should understand  if I indicate… then I will know he is well… Their technology, here on this ship, is better than ours…the baby could be born here…and then ….I just want us to be safe.

First Interrogation….

They wanted me to interrogate someone today. I’ve done it so often on the colony that it’s not a big deal, so I agreed to help them. The person they put before me though…I…didn’t want to hurt them. I tried not to…I really did. I was as gentle as I could be but they kept fighting against me and I stopped.. at… first.

The Captain of the ship pulled me from the interrogation…he felt the need to make some information very clear to me. The first is that I am his guest as long as I continue to help them. The second is that if I do not they can not assure my saftey in this ship and world, nor the saftey of my unborn. I went back into the interrogation room, a bit shaken but I got the information they wanted.

I went back to my quarters trying to figure it all out. I need to find a way to tell Joseph. I won’t be able to do that from here.

hope maybe…

Hello? Joeseph? I swore the crystal warmed today…but I could have been wrong. They took the hood off of me today. The ships lights are much brighter than I thought they would be. It has been two weeks. They told me they wanted my help. I told them they had a funny way of asking.

One thought they could tell me that they saved me from the cave in…but I know better. They know I know better. They caused the cave in. They pulled me out so they could use me…I just don’t know how yet.

Another one, a leader in the group, a man, he told me that he would like to know I would be safe to release. He said after they brought me on board, while I was not well, I attacked someone. I have no memory of doing this, but then….I have no memory of my first week here. He said he would arrange for quarters for me, if I was better and would agree not to hurt his people. I did…I am hoping to be released into my room soon. I asked him if he would take me home, if I agreed to help him. He said he was unable to do that, when I asked why, he said they don’t have a way to cross realities. That…frightens me. How did he know that?

I’m among people who know about and embrace telepaths, but many are and many others are not. All of them have blocked out my regular probes. I think their Captain knows I won’t go further….unless I have to.

Please, I just want to go home…at least back to New Terra Colony…someone help me.

Help me, please..

Hello…can anyone hear me? Rae, dearest Imzadi? Joseph, my beloved? Is anyone there, can anyone hear me? I’m projecting so I hope someone does, somewhere.

Assuming you don’t know me…I’m Kala. Kala Cree….I need help. Someone took me from my home…well, if it were home. No…I won’t let that creep in there. No time for bad thoughts. I do need help.

I’ve been tied up a week now. A blindfold or bag or something is over my head. I can breathe fine, but I can see nothing. The feelings…I’m empathic, very sensitively so, the feelings I’m getting when the food is brought for me…it’s almost terrifying. I can’t penetrate their thoughts, but then….only because I have yet to force it. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I’m terrifed.

I don’t know what happened. There was phaser fire, I heard it, I turned and saw it, then the cave came down…and at some point later I woke up here…I couldn’t use my telepathic ability then, nor my empathic. They cut off my abilities, I don’t know why. I don’t know where or how. I’m not on the planet, I think. I feel the humm of a ship…I think. I want to leave, return to be married, return to my human mate. Oh, how I wish he could hear me, how I wish. I must be to far away….they left my anklet on though, maybe…if I can activate the crystal, if I can focus long enough, he’ll sense me and come to find me. The first moment I know I’m alone again, I will.

Oh, by life please if you can hear me….please find New Terra Colony and Joseph Sanders. Tell him what I’ve said to you. I know he can help me, or get Annika to. Oh..please….help

Personal Recording

It’s been a long time since I even tried to record one of these, but here goes. I’m coming to the end of a very eventful year…So much has happened. I am now in a new universe, I’m in love with the unattainable, and I was engaged to a good man, who just couldn’t handle my basic communication, so we’re not engaged now.

Sounds like the normal melodrama of a twenty-something in the mirrorverse, but it’s a lot more than that. My abilities make me specifically sensitive to different situations and completely lost with others.  I should have picked up more clearly the issues he was having with transference among other things. I didn’t though…I ..missed that important part completely. Part of me feels guilty over it…the problem I face is that he’s human. Humans rarely understand their own feelings, so I try not to assume anything or hope for anything until they tell me. It’s not a difficult thing, but it is a crucial thing. It takes a lot from us…so no matter how passionately I love him…if we can’t reconcile this issue it won’t ever matter, we’ll encounter this problem for a long time to come.

As far as the unattainable. My telepathy has some how allowed me to cross barriers I hardly knew existed. Almost a year ago I met telepathically a man in a new area. His distance crosses time, and reality.  I fell in love with his heart, but worried about his choices. He often makes the kind of choices you wish he wouldn’t. It was of little consequence until I realized I could visit him, and did. I found more reason to be enamored with him. Then the borg  took him from any sense of anything. I mourned him like I would a close friend or lover. Much like I’m mourning the end of my relationship with Joseph. Then…I found out he’s not gone. He and I met on the image plain and …next thing I know…what I didn’t think was possible, was and he and I and…I don’t know what or if it will ever be real, but there is nothing I want more right now.

It is to bad that they are both of species that are … not deltan.

computer end recording